But I am not writing this newsletter to those types of people. There are certainly enough books on the subject for those who choose the "hate and anger option". I am writing to those who have forgiven so often, so much, they have actually ended up as doormats.

Where is the fine line between forgiveness and doormat? Peace and codependency? Love and outright abuse? It seems there are many of us who take the lives of Nelson Mandela and Jesus to heart. We take them so much to heart, we end up in their prisons, at the end of their whips, sitting in their wounds, literally bleeding. Forgiving comes easy to us. We can clearly see why a person hurt us, who hurt them, why they lash out, where their anger comes from, how they got here, and which belief structure they are operating within. We have clear insight. It never occurs to us to get angry. The thought literally never crosses our mind. 

Take a few examples. If I am robbed, I can clearly see the person and her desperation. I can hear her belief of ‘I am not enough and therefore never have enough’. I see her looking outward for riches instead of inward for Wealth and Contentment. I absolutely do not take it as offense nor do I take it personally in any way. I see her belief in non-fulfillment and feel her need and craving. Her unquenchable craving. It grows so large she literally believes she must steal in order to quench it. But she ends up empty yet again, and steals again. Why? Because she never altered the belief of ‘I am not enough’. As long as she holds that belief in place, she will always keep the source of her happiness and joy in something outside of herself. She will look down in shame and look up for answers, then look outward for blame. Never looking in, is she? So we who are loving, forgiving, and understanding, we have compassion with ease. It never occurs to us to hate her or condemn her. We truly are not condoning her actions either. We simply understand.

We also know this belief of ‘I am not enough. I am separate from the whole. I am broken. I am shattered. I am lost” is not a belief that person individually created. We are wise enough to know that as a collective soul, we all created that belief. At some point, every soul here took on the belief that it was lost, a victim, broken and soiled. We took it on because we created it. No, some big bad Satan did not create it. We did. We ALL did. We take responsibility. We chose to create that belief of being separate from Source so we could try our hand at being individuals, at being children. We simply wanted our own private identity. We wanted to play dress up and pretend, so we created the grand illusion that it would be possible to operate separately from the whole and can, therefore, easily blame something or someone else for the whole mess. But we are wise. We know it is just pretend, a proverbial mirror. We don’t look outward for something to blame. We get it. We forgive that belief not only in ourselves, but also in others.

We know we are Enough. We know we are the Source and can never be separate from it. We know, collectively, we are the incredible and awesome Ocean of Consciousness. We know the droplet leaving the ocean, thinking it is separate, rising up to the sky, evaporating into the illusion, raining down, soaking into the soil, flowing along rivers, busting through dams, falling over the cliffs, only to return to the Ocean yet again, realizes it will always be Source. There is no way around it. It will come to that conclusion every single time. Nice try, little soul, little droplet, but sorry, you'll always be Source and part of the Whole, no matter how hard you pretend. Some Truths just cannot be changed. But good try!

So what is the problem? Well here is the thing. For those who believe they are this Ocean of awareness and full of compassion and love overflowing, there are those droplets out there who refuse to recognize they are enough. They wanna believe in brokenness and experience it and they need that belief to play out in front of them in order to have that experience. Guess what you become, Miss Forgiveness? You become their mirror. If they can just see their brokenness displayed on you, then their belief can be real. If you can just break, then they must be broken, right? After all, you are the reflection of their beliefs. And they literally go into a rage when they hear from you, “I love you. I forgive you. You don’t really know who you are, but I do. You are not broken. You only think you are. I can sit here and show you if you’d like.” They rage even more when we will not break because this shatters their own belief in brokenness. We sit there and truly believe that one day they will see they are not broken. There is nothing to fix in them. We are not saviors. How can we fix them when they are not broken? Nope. We are simply willing to sit there as a mirror and shout, even in our silence we are screaming, ‘I am Whole. No matter what you do to me, I am still Whole. I am the source of Joy and Love and you can never rob me of it. You can find it too, within yourself. Are you willing to look within? I’m here to tell you, with my act of love and forgiveness, that I do not see your brokenness. I won’t buy into it. That belief you carry of being "alone, separate, not enough", well it doesn’t fly with me. I am the true reflection of you. I love you.”

So here is what I was pondering this morning: How long do I play that mirror? Do some of us begin to believe we are nothing but a mirror? Do we get addicted to the role? Do we think it is our duty to play that mirror while we are beaten over and over and sit there bleeding? At what point do we decide to stop playing the role of the mirror and step out of it and move on? I couldn’t quite reconcile it in my head until Caleb called me into the bathroom.

Caleb: Look mom! There are spots all over my face!!!

Mom: Where? I don’t see any spots on you? You are perfect.

Caleb: Look, in the mirror! I see spots all over my face!

Mom: Silly, those are spots on the mirror, but they are not on you. You are only seeing them on yourself because you see them on the mirror. Here let me wipe them off. (I wipe the mirror clean)

Caleb: (laughs) I know, Mom. I’m just pretending. (He puts water all over the mirror). Look! The spots are back.

Mom: Silly boy. You are perfect. (Wipes the spots off)

Caleb: (puts the spots back on)

Mom: (wipes spots off)

Caleb: (puts them back on) Don’t ruin my illusion.

Mom: (smacks herself in the head and thinks DUH) Okay, Caleb. Have fun with your illusion. Leave the spots on there as long as you want. (she smiles as she walks away)

Caleb: (screaming in delight) Looook! I have spots all over me. They are eating me alive. Save me!!! Arrrggghhhhh!!!

Mom finally walks away. She doesn’t wipe the spots off for him. She realizes that one day, by her walking away, he will have to wipe the spots off himself. She can’t keep wiping them off for him; it only makes him mad. It destroys his fun, his game, his illusion. She forgives the blemishes, knowing they are not real, but he doesn’t want to receive it. By walking away, it gives him the chance to wipe them off, to forgive them, because he wants to stop pretending. She has been the mirror long enough. She has been the ‘mother-mirror’ role long enough to know the spots aren’t real. She forgives every spot, every blemish, every imperfection. She knows he is perfect. She knows the belief in the existence of the spots is not real but instead something he put there himself. She sees him put them there again and again. She has shown him enough times how to wash them off and she clearly sees he will never learn to wash them off for himself until she walks away. In fact, she realizes he will never want to wash them off until she walks away. For each time she lovingly washes them off and tells him he is perfect, he gets frustrated and puts them back on, declaring she is destroying his fun, his belief. And who am I to destroy anyone’s belief?

Have you been the mirror in someone’s life long enough? You will know it is time to walk away, smiling, when you see that he or she is only pretending, when you know he or she is perfect, when you no longer see spots or blemishes, only perfection. This is the time you can walk away. Knowing all is forgiven and clean and pure. No one is asking you to stay. To get addicted to being the mirror. To become the doormat. You have shown them a few times how to wipe it all clean, have you not? Maybe walking away will allow them to do it for themselves. Maybe staying impedes this action. Maybe by staying you will always be the parent and they will never grow up.

I wrote this for the people out there who are truly operating in Love but somehow cannot bring themselves to walk away, not to those who still see spots as real and sit in blame. The ones I am speaking to today actually feel guilty for walking away from someone who is pretending. This is one of the rare times they feel lost. Walking away feels as if we are abandoning or leaving that one lost sheep to die. We aren’t wired to let one go. It isn’t in us. We almost feel that by walking away we are condemning them and it feels as if it erases the forgiveness we have provided. I want you to know it doesn’t. It isn’t abandonment. It isn’t condemnation. If they want to see themselves as broken, and see others broken around them, then after a time, it is absolutely beautiful to walk away. You never truly leave them. You have shown them how to forgive the belief, how to wipe off the spots. Can we not trust that at some point, they will remember what you said and wipe off the spots by choice? And stop pretending? Even if it is through their death or in another lifetime, can we not trust they will return to the beautiful Ocean of Consciousness and realize they were truly just playing a game? I think we find it challenging to walk away because watching them put the spots back on doesn’t feel like a game to them. They are quite serious about it. They are brilliant actors! They have truly convinced themselves that brokenness is real. But if we buy into it, then they convince us, and this is where we err. Can you see them as a little 9 year old, splashing their own mirror? And demanding you not ruin their fun? Can you try and see them doing it that way despite the serious or angry look on their face? 

Maybe if we change our perception just a little, we will find it easier to move on in our own growth, step out of the mirror, and play a game of our own. I don’t think any of us want to splash ourselves with blemishes, but how about we go make a snow angel? After all, snow is part of the Ocean too. Maybe we have spent long enough being the ‘parent-mirror’, showing them "the way" over and over, and now we can give ourselves permission to release ourselves from the prison of playing the role of the mirror and go have some FUN! How does that sound? I want you to know it is okay to step out of the mirror. If you walk out and feel guilt, then please know it was not the mirror that was your prison, but instead your guilt. If you become addicted to the role and cannot step out, you become just as broken as their beliefs. Sure, you can step back in any time you feel it serves a purpose but please know you can also step out any time you choose, guilt free and without abandon or condemnation. Just simply step out! You are free to do so. I am giving you permission. 

Until the next time I visit your inbox, dress up, pretend, know the Truth and allow it to set you free and BE WHOLE.

 

TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR OWN WELL BEING!